yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
