I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
