You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
