my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
