just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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