I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize