Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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