I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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