I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize