I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
