everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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