I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
