I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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