i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
