i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
