Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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