She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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