i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
