I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
