we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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