his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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