Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
