To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
