I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
