OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
