I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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