so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
