You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
