I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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