Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
