I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
