Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
