Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
