There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
