College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
