But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
