please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
