You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
