New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How naked do you want me to be?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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