Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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