If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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