you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
