it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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