I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
