Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
