well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
