That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
