She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
