I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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