I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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