A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
porn star boner night. come get it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Randomize
