She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize