Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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