Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
