Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I should be sponsored by Trojan
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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