shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
