Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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