i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
