i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will pee on everything he values.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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