I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
