She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
