New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
