stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
