I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
