i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize