It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
