grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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