You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
