i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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