but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
