Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
