i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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