Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
