I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
