How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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