Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
