I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
