she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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