just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
