Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ttyl tear gas
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize