Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
