I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
