Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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