oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
