we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
