I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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