We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
