yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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