There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
