Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
