YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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