happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
