And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
People in love make me want to vomit
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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