Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
