Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
