walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
