you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
