i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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