PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
